So, you will probably think I am a horrible mother for this, but every single weekend since I have come home from the hospital with my newborn, I have dreaded the week ahead, knowing I have to care for my new baby all alone, with no help during the day. Don't get me wrong, I love my child dearly. I just find caring for a tiny baby extremely taxing, and it is so much easier when there is a second pair of hands to help. The problem is that life with a newborn is completely unpredictable. There are days when he sleeps great after feedings in his cradle, and when this happens, I have a couple of hours to eat, bathe, pump, and sleep myself...but more often than not, he doesn't sleep so great in his cradle, and when I put him down in his swing or his little play mat, he is content for short bursts of time, but never long enough for me to accomplish anything. So often, I just begin to pump (I am trying to build a supply of milk for when I return to work) and he begins to summon me with his sorry little newborn tears. I hate hearing him cry, and I cannot complete a task if he begins crying. I HAVE to stop what I am doing and go to him. It is just the way I am wired. I cannot stand the thought of him being upset or uncomfortable in any way...it is incredibly unnerving!
I now completely understand the maxim, "It takes a village to raise a child." No woman should have to do this alone, and as my husband just reminded me, I am lucky to have him in the evenings and on the weekends, and my parents when they are not working, and I know there are single moms out there who do this all by themselves. My hat is totally off to those women. I could not do it.
So, here I am, on Sunday evening, dreading the week to follow...knowing, I won't sleep much, and there will be days when I won't be able to take a bath or pump until my husband gets home from work. I am no longer the boss of myself. My baby is my boss, and I have to just acquiesce to that fact, otherwise I am going to go insane!
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