What am I waiting for?
#1: contact from a prospective employer I interviewed with on Wednesday of this week. I abhor the wait after an interview. Such a time lapse plays the most hideous of tricks on me. I begin, in hope, to dream of myself in the new position, pre-planning my space, imagining myself doing stellar work for the employer, and envisioning all of the items I plan to purchase when the paychecks start coming in. I have to stop, and I have to stop now because if no news is bad news or a precursor to bad news, I am going to be disappointed, and who wants to wallow in disappointment?
#2: my pregnancy nausea to go away. I am 17 weeks pregnant, and I have been fraying against nausea since week 8 of my pregnancy. While most women are hitting the peek at that time, my experience with morning sickness was just beginning. Accordingly, while most women are bidding the ill feelings adieu by week 12, I was in the throes of the most violent sickness, and while most women count nausea a distant memory by week 17, here I am, still experiencing it, still coping with it, and still, albeit foolishly, hoping for it to end soon. Yet again, I have to stop because, although it is rare, some women battle nausea throughout their entire pregnancies, and I could be one of those few.
#3: fetal movement. Over the past few weeks I have felt pokes and flutters, but I sometimes go days without feeling anything, which makes me feel rather anxious. Although, all reliable sources admit that it is much too early to expect to feel a regular pattern of baby's movements, it is so reassuring to feel that little poke in the gut from time to time, or the swishing turn-me-upside-down feeling I sometimes get, which somehow reminds me of sojourns upon Space Mountain in Walt Disney World. I cannot make the baby move, however, and besides, it is likely moving a lot in there, but I cannot make it decide to kick in the front or the sides where I can feel it. Already, it has a little mind of its own and I cannot control its actions. Perhaps, this is an early lesson in parenthood?
#4: my anatomy scan ultra sound. In less than a week, my husband and I will loiter in the doctor's waiting room, watching the clock tick the seconds before we are called in for the ultra sound. The technician will squirt warming jelly on my belly and on the screen before us, we will see our little one, hopefully bouncing about, content within its home of amniotic fluid. I cannot wait for this moment. I cannot wait to go and hopefully, have all anxieties about baby's development relieved, and possibly, learn the gender of this little baby. It is already determined, I know. The child knows its gender, and it has been keeping its secret from mommy and daddy, and it has been keeping its secret well. But I cannot wait any longer! I am eager to finally know. I have no idea how people the ages over waited until delivery to find out. I am much too impatient for that!
So, there you have it! I am waiting for a potential job offer, the end to my morning sickness, the beginning of regularly detectable fetal movement, and the revelation of baby's sex. Can I make it? Can I distract myself sufficiently to forget the angst of anticipation? I will try.
