My friendship with you edifies only you. My shoulder is yours to cry on, but when I need to cry, you do not spare an inch of cloth for me. My time is yours to waste, but time for you is not easily dispensed. My ears collect the trash overflowing from your troubled heart, but there is no depository for me. You can make your demands and pull your weight all around my world, but a momentary power shift to me is impossibly unthinkable, and downright rude!
I don't want to be your friend, if I cannot cry on your shoulder. I don't want to be your friend if you cannot spare your time for me. I don't want to collect all of your trash because I have too much of my own to bear, and I don't want to do all you will for your pleasure, just for you to forget your empty promises to me.
This topsy turvy relationship does not suit me. It benefits me not at all, and proceeds to hurt me. Why should I remain a friend to you who want that which you cannot be?
Friday, July 30, 2010
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Confession #15: I Bought My Dad a Cat Without My Mom's Permission
This is Sugarfoot:
Well, that was his name before today, when I adopted him from Second Chance Kitten Rescue this afternoon. I hope he has a new name soon. Naming is a very important function of Christian life, as it indicates intimacy and relationship. When Sugarfoot receives his new name, he will solidify his place in his new home. I do not plan on giving him this name because I did not bring him home to my house; rather, I adopted this adorable little boy as a gift for my dad.
What I did not consider before making this purchase was the fact that my mom would not only disapprove, but feel intense anger and resentment towards both myself and my father for my decision. Sure, I knew that if I asked her whether I should give my dad a cat, she would tell me no, but I didn't think she would be angry. But, you see, being a grown child no longer living beneath my parents' roof, I tend to forget the weathering of the past upon their marital bliss. I forget the prior hurts and resentments that are rooted deep in days gone by, arguments gone awry, and wounds inflicted knowingly or unknowingly somewhere over the rainbow. I forget how hard they have fought to hold on or hold it together, and so with that limited perception, I move forward in my own life, healing from their past, but not realizing they are not healing alongside me.
With that said, I did not think for a moment that getting my dad this cat would create upheaval in my parents' home. And, truly, I meant the very, very best. As my dad's daughter, I knew this gift would be the best gift I could imagine to give him. He LOVES cats! I see the sparkle in his eyes when he plays with mine, as well as the disappointment in his demeanor when they refuse to give him the time of day. I know the joy they bring when I am alone with them, and they, being comfortable with me as their owner, relax into the nooks between the couch and myself when I am taking a nap or when they nudge me by ramming their heads into mine, blocking my view of the computer monitor when I am working. I know this joy, and he knows it too, and I wanted, more than anything, to give him this. And this I am giving him, which is a wonderful and beautiful thing, but this gift has come at a price.
Yes, the adoption fee, and the pet carrier, and the supplies I bought to accompany the little baby, but that isn't quite what I am talking about. The price is the envy and resentment my mom feels now. And I am not even going to say her feelings are unjustified. I accept those feelings; I threw her out of her comfort zone without a warning. But those feelings are being directed at my dad. Is the love of the cat worth the vice of my mom? I wish it could be. I mean, in reality, the vice of my mom is going to surface from time to time for some reason or another, so having the comfort of a little friend could assuage some of the grief...but is it worth it for the cat to cause the vice? Once again, I want it to be worth it. I really really do.
Well, that was his name before today, when I adopted him from Second Chance Kitten Rescue this afternoon. I hope he has a new name soon. Naming is a very important function of Christian life, as it indicates intimacy and relationship. When Sugarfoot receives his new name, he will solidify his place in his new home. I do not plan on giving him this name because I did not bring him home to my house; rather, I adopted this adorable little boy as a gift for my dad.What I did not consider before making this purchase was the fact that my mom would not only disapprove, but feel intense anger and resentment towards both myself and my father for my decision. Sure, I knew that if I asked her whether I should give my dad a cat, she would tell me no, but I didn't think she would be angry. But, you see, being a grown child no longer living beneath my parents' roof, I tend to forget the weathering of the past upon their marital bliss. I forget the prior hurts and resentments that are rooted deep in days gone by, arguments gone awry, and wounds inflicted knowingly or unknowingly somewhere over the rainbow. I forget how hard they have fought to hold on or hold it together, and so with that limited perception, I move forward in my own life, healing from their past, but not realizing they are not healing alongside me.
With that said, I did not think for a moment that getting my dad this cat would create upheaval in my parents' home. And, truly, I meant the very, very best. As my dad's daughter, I knew this gift would be the best gift I could imagine to give him. He LOVES cats! I see the sparkle in his eyes when he plays with mine, as well as the disappointment in his demeanor when they refuse to give him the time of day. I know the joy they bring when I am alone with them, and they, being comfortable with me as their owner, relax into the nooks between the couch and myself when I am taking a nap or when they nudge me by ramming their heads into mine, blocking my view of the computer monitor when I am working. I know this joy, and he knows it too, and I wanted, more than anything, to give him this. And this I am giving him, which is a wonderful and beautiful thing, but this gift has come at a price.
Yes, the adoption fee, and the pet carrier, and the supplies I bought to accompany the little baby, but that isn't quite what I am talking about. The price is the envy and resentment my mom feels now. And I am not even going to say her feelings are unjustified. I accept those feelings; I threw her out of her comfort zone without a warning. But those feelings are being directed at my dad. Is the love of the cat worth the vice of my mom? I wish it could be. I mean, in reality, the vice of my mom is going to surface from time to time for some reason or another, so having the comfort of a little friend could assuage some of the grief...but is it worth it for the cat to cause the vice? Once again, I want it to be worth it. I really really do.
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