According to the Oxford English Dictionary, denial is "the failure to acknowledge an unacceptable truth or emotion, or to admit it into consciousness, used as a defense mechanism."
My question of myself, then, is for what purpose did I, from pre-pubescence to present day, require such a mechanism of defense with regard to a desire to procreate? Why, from such an early age in my existence, have I resisted the innate maternal instinct I share with womanhood? It is true, I can no longer resist this urge to be a mother, and I am finally reconciled to--no, embracing my very real desire to have a child, which thereby means I have cast off the cloak of opposition with which I have for so long enshrouded myself. But, what has changed within me? What has empowered me to unveil myself from the denial I have masqueraded behind through life?
I do not have an answer, yet I present my confession here. The desire I have, I have always had...from the age of four or five, at least, and for some reason, which I cannot understand, I labored to prove to the world that I was, somehow, detached enough from the feminine instincts, empowered enough by logic and reason, to shun motherhood for life. On my part, this was a personal requirement to suppress the unacceptable truth of my instincts--to thwart the proverbial biological clock, which has suddenly begun to tick tock its way into overdrive.
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