Confession #9: I am Obsessed with Anne Boleyn

Thanks to my recent enrollment with Netflix streaming through my husband's X-box 360, I have quickly consumed all 20 episodes of the first two seasons of Showtime's series, The Tudors. I am intrigued by the complexity of all of the historical players; the ambition and betrayal on all sides led to downfall after downfall of noteworthy personages.

My favorite character, Anne Boleyn, has just experienced her famous demise, at the sword of the executioner of Callais. This was the conclusion of the second season, and I actually feel grieved that the Anne character will no longer show herself in the household of the King.

Because of my newfound fascination with this unlucky queen, I have borrowed The Challenge of Anne Boleyn, a biography written by historian Hester W. Chapman, from my local library. What surprises me most, since I have begun reading, is that in spite of some creative liberties taken thus far by producers of The Tudors, much of what is portrayed is accurately aligned with the record of the past.

I only wish this fascination would have revealed itself to me three months ago when I visited London, because I would have appreciated all the Tudor lore I encountered in that storybook city.

Below is a photo of Natalie Dormer in Showtime's The Tudors.

Confession #8: Comfort Food

I ate, not merely one, but two chocolate mint brownie bars for breakfast this morning. And my body warmed from the inside out with each and every bite. I knew when I woke up that the only satisfying nourishment for me today would be the indulgence in my most favorite dessert, probably my most favorite food, in the whole wide world. I first tasted these morsels of heaven a little over a year ago, in Florida, when my husband, Phil, made them for me on my birthday in lieu of a cake. Every single bite I take of these luscious desserts makes me groan with delight! I am not sure whether it is the layer of mint frosting, made with confectioner's sugar and butter and mint extract, or if it is just the fact that the love of my life baked them for me with care...regardless, these chocolate mint brownie bars are and ever will be my soul satisfying comfort food.

Confession #7: Denial

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, denial is "the failure to acknowledge an unacceptable truth or emotion, or to admit it into consciousness, used as a defense mechanism."

My question of myself, then, is for what purpose did I, from pre-pubescence to present day, require such a mechanism of defense with regard to a desire to procreate? Why, from such an early age in my existence, have I resisted the innate maternal instinct I share with womanhood? It is true, I can no longer resist this urge to be a mother, and I am finally reconciled to--no, embracing my very real desire to have a child, which thereby means I have cast off the cloak of opposition with which I have for so long enshrouded myself. But, what has changed within me? What has empowered me to unveil myself from the denial I have masqueraded behind through life?

I do not have an answer, yet I present my confession here. The desire I have, I have always had...from the age of four or five, at least, and for some reason, which I cannot understand, I labored to prove to the world that I was, somehow, detached enough from the feminine instincts, empowered enough by logic and reason, to shun motherhood for life. On my part, this was a personal requirement to suppress the unacceptable truth of my instincts--to thwart the proverbial biological clock, which has suddenly begun to tick tock its way into overdrive.